Relationships as Mirrors
Every day, we look in the mirror, checking our physical appearance. How do I look? We assume that what we see is what others see, and we dedicate time to dressing and grooming our external selves. But what about our inner self? What if there were a mirror that reflected our thoughts and energetic presence just as clearly?
The truth is, such a mirror exists, surrounding us in every moment. Ancient wisdom teaches us that our inner state shapes our outer reality, and what we perceive in others is a reflection of our own consciousness. Modern psychology echos this idea, as observed by Carl Jung "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
In our daily lives, the people we interact with—especially those closest to us—serve as our most profound mirrors. Spouses, partners, children, parents, friends, colleagues, and even strangers we encounter all reflect back aspects of our inner being.
As a parent, I witness this dynamic constantly with my children. Since they were little, I’ve noticed that when I feel soft, they respond with tenderness, like angels; when I feel tense or rigid, they mirror it right back, sometimes with monstrous intensity. This is a familiar experience to every parent. What I didn’t realize in those early days of motherhood was that they weren’t just reacting to me—they were faithfully reflecting my inner state, showing me what I looked like on the inside. The more emotionally charged the moment, the more magnified the reflection. If I pause and pay attention, I can see myself through them, in real-time.
When we see a smudge on our face in the mirror, we don’t blame the mirror—we clean the smudge. In the same way, when my children trigger me, I have a choice. I can react outwardly and blame them, or I can turn inward and ask: What is this revealing about me?
Recently, I caught myself getting impatient and raising my voice over something small. Guess what? My child immediately responded with frustration in an even louder voice. In that moment, I saw my impatience being mirrored right back to me, with an amplified intensity. The instant I softened and let go, so did they, softening even more. They were a perfect mirror, showing me exactly what I needed to see. Later as I reflected on that moment, deeper insights about myself came up behind the impatience on the surface.
Shadow work—examining and integrating the hidden, low frequency parts of ourselves—is one of the most transformative aspects of personal growth. The hardest part is seeing our own shadows. But the moment we recognize them, they begin to dissolve. From this perspective, my children are my greatest teachers. Our genetic and ancestral connections make them particularly potent mirrors, revealing both the light and the shadow patterns carried in me.
This reflective dynamic isn’t limited to parenthood. Every relationship offers opportunities for such self-awareness, especially during conflicts or challenging interactions. When someone triggers you—whether it’s a partner, a friend, or a difficult colleague—pause and ask yourself: What is being reflected back to me? What part of myself am I seeing through them? If you’re willing to look inward, you will always find a hidden gift behind the discomfort.
So the next time you find yourself in a challenging interaction with others, remember—they are mirrors, inviting you to see an aspect of yourself through them. Will you pause and take a look?