The Seeker in Me
The prompt from the universe this week is Aspiration*...
Indeed, at the beginning of the new year, the energy of seeking something higher is particularly strong. For the ego, it is the pursuit of more on the material plane, whether it be money, power, status, or even recognition. For the soul, it is the quest for meaning, truth, and spiritual enlightenment.
Many of us in the modern world are driven to achieve external success, but along the way, there is always a nagging sense that something is missing. That feeling of void sometimes is more than a nag; it’s a deep yearning to be fulfilled that can even turn into an ache. I used to experience this kind of deep ache on a regular basis, even while my career and personal life were going well by all societal measures. I would literally cry at night on the day when I got a promotion at work…
The desire for fulfillment drove me through a long period of trial and error. Career-wise, I experimented many different roles, in many different domains, in companies of all sizes, including starting my own businesses. I thought quiting corporate life and becoming my own boss would ultimately fill the void with freedom, but failures and setbacks put me back into the mode of seeking again.
The turning point came in 2020, at the height of the pandemic, when I finally decided to break completely from the past. It was a non-linear shift, the start of a transformation. I became a professional coach, but I knew it was not the end. Coaching is a bridge that quickly led me to the vast domain of spirituality and human potential. It is a world that is at once new and familiar, one that opens up to the rich inner dimensions of my being. That’s when I realized where the void was, the true nature of who I am. No wonder I could not stop seeking all those years. I had been searching outside all along and forgot to look within. It feels like a lost child finally found home.
The aspiration energy in me continued, but gradually it turned from the ambition to achieve in the outer world to the desire to grow and expand in the inner world. Spiritual development is about elevation and expansion of consciousness. The last few years for me have felt like a rapid ride up the consciousness elevator. My perspectives about reality have changed, as have the people I bond with along the way. I have met many wise and loving individuals who are coaches, healers, ministers, spiritual teachers, etc. My LinkedIn contacts feel like part of my past life.
For a while, I pretty much retreated from the outside world, except for fulfilling my responsibilities to my children and family. As the inner growth momentum naturally reached a point of slowing down, I found myself turning around and looking back. The views up there are magnificent, but they won’t last without a firm anchor in the physical plane. The mundane is beautiful too. The ultimate spiritual practice is to remain connected with one’s higher self while living an ordinary life and prospering in it. It feels like a child who’s been sheltered at home for too long and wants to go outside and play again.
As I come full circle from seeking, finding, seeking, and finding again, I have traversed multiple dimensions of my being-ness. The void is no longer there the moment I see it. My past experiences and the people I have met all hold new meanings as I look through life from a new lens. Daily challenges, triggers, adversarial relationships, and difficult circumstances have all become fertile soil for spiritual growth. The pursuits of material prosperity and spiritual maturity are both/and, not either/or. In fact, mastery of the material plane is an excellent spiritual path that leads to self-actualization. The key is the shift in perspective, where every aspect of outer life becomes a training ground for inner growth.
I used to negatively judge myself for all the different things I tried (as in "Why can't I just settle and focus on one thing?"), but now I know that this is exactly where my gift lies and what my life path is intended to be. I have to go through all the experimentation and trial and error in life in order to finally reach a point of integration, weaving all the threads I have gathered into a tapestry that only I can create. That is my unique contribution to the world.
* The inspiration comes from Gene Keys, my most cherished system of wisdom teachings. At the time of this writing, the Sun transits Gene Key 54, the frequency spectrum of which is encoded in the keywords Greed-Aspiration-Ascension. My writing is focused around the gift frequency word Aspiration.